How to Start Divorce Proceedings

The hardest part of starting a divorce is not the legal process — it is figuring out what the legal process even is. Most people spend weeks googling before they understand the basic sequence. Here is what actually needs to happen, in order, during the first few weeks.

Decide Whether You Need a Lawyer or Can Self-File

The answer depends entirely on your situation. If you and your spouse agree on the major terms — who gets what, how custody works, who pays what — you are looking at an uncontested divorce, and self-filing is a realistic option. Between 60% and 90% of family law cases in the US now involve at least one person without an attorney.

If your spouse is combative, hiding money, or if significant assets like businesses or pensions are involved, get at least a consultation. Many attorneys offer unbundled services — a one-time document review for a flat fee rather than full representation at $270 to $400 per hour.

Establish Your Separation Date

Before anything gets filed, you need a separation date. This is the legal marker that starts the clock on financial calculations, waiting periods, and property cutoffs.

In most US states, separation means living apart — physically different households. Some states (like Virginia) require 6 to 12 months of continuous separation before you can even file. Others (like California) let you file immediately and count the separation retroactively.

In the UK, the no-fault system under the Divorce, Dissolution and Separation Act 2020 eliminated separation requirements for filing. In Australia, you need 12 months of separation, though you can live under the same roof if you can demonstrate separate lives.

Document the date. Tell someone — a family member, a friend, a counselor. If it is ever disputed, you will need evidence.

Gather Financial Records Before You Touch Anything Legal

The number one reason self-filed divorces get rejected or delayed is incomplete financial documentation. Courts require a sworn financial disclosure from both parties, and the data in your petition, your financial statement, and your settlement agreement must match exactly.

Before you start any paperwork, collect bank statements (6 to 12 months), retirement and investment account statements, mortgage and loan documents, credit card statements, tax returns for the last two to three years, pay stubs, property deeds and vehicle titles, and insurance policies.

This groundwork saves weeks of back-and-forth later.

Figure Out Where to File

Divorce is filed in the state and county where you meet residency requirements. Most states require you to have lived there for a set period — anywhere from 30 days (Alaska) to 12 months (New York). You typically file in the county where you currently reside.

In Canada, you can file in any province where you have lived for at least one year. In the UK, you file through the online divorce portal regardless of location. In Australia, filings go through the Federal Circuit and Family Court.

Filing in the wrong jurisdiction means your case gets dismissed and your filing fee is not refunded.

Understand the Two Tracks: Contested vs. Uncontested

Every divorce starts on one of two tracks:

Uncontested means both parties agree on all terms — property, debt, support, custody. You file together (or one files and the other consents), submit your agreements, and a judge reviews them. Many uncontested cases never require a courtroom appearance.

Contested means at least one issue is unresolved. The court assigns a hearing schedule, and a judge decides the disputed terms. Contested cases take longer and cost significantly more.

Your goal, if possible, is to resolve disagreements before filing so you land on the uncontested track. Mediation — typically costing between $3,000 and $10,000 total — is far cheaper than contested litigation, which averages $15,000 to $30,000 per party.

Take the First Step: File Your Petition

The actual filing involves completing a Petition for Dissolution (the name varies by state), paying a filing fee ($100 to $450 in most US states), and submitting the paperwork to your county court clerk.

From there, you enter the formal process: serving your spouse, exchanging financial disclosures, finalizing your settlement agreement, and waiting for the court's approval.

The DIY Divorce Without a Lawyer Guide provides structured worksheets for each of these phases — from pre-filing document gathering through your final decree — so you move through the process in order without missing steps that cause delays.