How to Prepare for Family Dispute Resolution Without a Lawyer in Victoria

Preparation Is the Entire Game

Family Dispute Resolution is generally required before you can file a contested parenting application in the Federal Circuit and Family Court, subject to statutory exemptions. An agreed consent-order application can be filed without a Section 60I certificate. For many separating parents in Victoria, FDR is also the session where the actual arrangement gets settled. What happens in that room determines the schedule your children live under, the child support you pay or receive, and whether your arrangement becomes a parenting plan or enforceable consent orders.

Most parents walk in without a concrete proposal. They have a vague sense of what they want, strong emotions about what is fair, and no structured plan for how to present their position. The parent who arrives with a written schedule, a care-night calculation, and a clear framework for decision-making has a decisive advantage — not because it is a competition, but because the mediator needs something concrete to work with.

What to Prepare Before the Session

A Written Parenting Schedule

Draft at least two schedule options before you walk in. The mediator will ask what you are proposing, and "I want to see the kids as much as possible" is not a proposal. A proposal looks like this:

• Option A: Alternating weeks (week-on, week-off), changeover at school drop-off on Monday mornings
• Option B: 5-2-2-5 rotation — five days with one parent, two days with the other, then two with the first, five with the second — which produces an even 50/50 split without full-week separations

For each option, calculate the exact number of overnight stays per year. This matters because Services Australia uses overnight percentages to calculate child support. The difference between 127 nights (34% care, flat 24% cost credit) and 128 nights (35% care, sliding scale starting at 25%) crosses a threshold that changes your payment obligations.

A Holiday and Special Days Plan

The regular weekly schedule does not cover:

• Victorian school holidays (four terms, roughly 12 weeks of breaks per year)
• Christmas Day, Boxing Day, and the New Year period
• Each parent's birthday, Mother's Day, Father's Day
• Melbourne Cup Day and AFL Grand Final Friday (Victorian public holidays)
• Extended holiday travel (interstate or overseas)

Draft a proposal for each. The standard approach is alternating years — Parent A gets Christmas Day in even years, Parent B in odd years — but the details matter. Does "Christmas" mean 25 December only, or 24 December afternoon through 27 December? Ambiguity here is the number-one source of post-agreement disputes.

A Decision-Making Framework

Under the Family Law Act, "parental responsibility" covers two categories:

Major long-term decisions — schooling, religious upbringing, major medical procedures, changes of name — are matters covered by parental responsibility. Whether both parents must agree depends on the parenting orders or agreement; a court may allocate decision-making to one parent.

Day-to-day decisions — what the child eats, bedtime, whether they attend a friend's party — are made by whichever parent has care at the time.

Write down which specific decisions you believe should require joint agreement and which should be at each parent's discretion. The more concrete you are, the fewer arguments you will have later.

A Changeover Plan

Where will handovers happen? At the family home, at school (one parent drops off, the other picks up), or at a neutral public location? If the relationship is high-conflict, school changeovers eliminate direct parent-to-parent contact entirely — and that removes the single biggest trigger for handover arguments.

Documentation to Bring

• A timeline of your separation (date of separation, any periods of attempted reconciliation)
• Your current informal parenting arrangement and how it has been working
• Any relevant school or childcare schedules
• Your income details (the mediator may discuss child support implications)
• Notes on any safety concerns, if applicable

Common Mistakes That Undermine Your Position

Arriving without a written proposal. Mediators cannot negotiate in the abstract. The parent with a document on the table sets the starting point for discussion.

Focusing on adult fairness instead of children's needs. The mediator can help redirect discussion toward the child's needs and workable arrangements. "I deserve 50/50 because I'm a good parent" is an adult-centred argument. "The children are settled at both homes, attend the same school regardless of which parent they are with, and both parents are available for school drop-off and pick-up" is child-centred.

Not understanding the Section 60I certificate. If mediation produces an agreement, you can record it in a parenting plan or apply for consent orders; a certificate is not required for an Application for Consent Orders. If it does not, the practitioner issues a certificate recording the relevant outcome — such as attempted FDR without agreement — which is your prerequisite for filing a contested court application. The certificate is valid for exactly 12 months from the date of the last mediation session or attempted session. If you do not file within that window, you must start mediation again.

Ignoring the child support implications of the schedule. Every schedule has a financial consequence. If you propose 128 nights, know what that means for your child support assessment. If the other parent proposes 127 nights, understand that the one-night difference is financially significant and discuss it openly rather than being blindsided.

Agreeing to terms you cannot sustain. Promising alternate weekends plus Wednesday overnights when your work roster makes Wednesdays impossible will lead to contravention within months. Propose a schedule you can actually maintain for years.

What the Mediator Does (and Does Not Do)

The FDR practitioner is a neutral facilitator. They do not take sides, do not give legal advice, and do not decide the outcome. Their job is to help both parents identify areas of agreement, explore options, and reach a workable arrangement.

The mediator will:

• Ensure both parents have an opportunity to speak
• Redirect the conversation when it becomes hostile or unproductive
• Ask reality-testing questions ("How will that schedule work during school holidays?")
• Help draft the terms of any agreement reached

The mediator will not:

• Tell you whether your proposal is legally sound
• Calculate child support for you
• Advise you on whether to accept the other parent's offer
• Make a decision if you cannot agree

This is precisely why preparation matters. Without a lawyer in the room, your preparation is your representation.

After FDR: What Happens Next

If you reach agreement, you have two options:

1. Parenting plan — a signed, dated, written agreement. Not enforceable by the court, but carries weight under Section 64D of the Family Law Act. Appropriate when both parents have a track record of following agreements.

2. Consent orders — the agreement is drafted into the format the FCFCOA requires (signed PDF plus unsigned Word document) and filed through the Commonwealth Courts Portal. Filing fee is A$215 (eligible concession card holders may qualify for a fee exemption). The court reviews and seals them within roughly two weeks. These are legally enforceable.

The Victoria Child Custody & Parenting Plan Guide includes a dedicated FDR preparation chapter with fillable worksheets for every element above — schedule planner, holiday planner, care-night calculator, and decision-making agreement — plus the full consent order filing walkthrough for when mediation produces a result.

Who This Is For

• Self-represented parents attending their first FDR session who want to walk in with a structured, child-focused proposal
• Parents who are anxious about mediation because they feel outmatched by a more articulate or aggressive former partner
• Anyone attending FDR through a free or subsidised Family Relationship Centre and wanting to make the most of the limited sessions
• Parents who suspect their former partner will not engage constructively and want documentation of a reasonable proposal for the court record

Who This Is NOT For

• Parents who have an exemption from mandatory FDR (family violence, urgency, or inability to participate) — you may proceed directly to court
• Situations where you have already attended FDR and received your Section 60I certificate — you are past this stage
• Cases where a lawyer is attending FDR with you — they will handle the preparation and negotiation strategy

Frequently Asked Questions

Do I have to attend FDR even if my ex refuses to cooperate?

You must make a genuine effort to attend. If your former partner refuses to participate or does not respond to the FDR provider's invitation, the practitioner issues a Section 60I certificate recording that the other party did not attend. This certificate lets you proceed to court.

Can I bring a support person to mediation?

Most FDR providers allow a support person (a friend, family member, or counsellor) to attend, but they typically cannot participate in the discussion. Some providers offer shuttle mediation — where each parent is in a separate room and the mediator moves between them — for high-conflict situations.

How much does FDR cost?

Government-funded Family Relationship Centres charge about $150 to $350 per session. Private mediation is reported at $1,500 to $4,500. Ask providers how fees are charged and whether financial assistance is available.

What if I feel pressured into agreeing to something unfair?

You do not have to agree to anything at FDR. If you feel the proposed arrangement is not in your children's best interests or you need time to think, say so. The mediator will record that mediation was attempted, and you can either return for another session or proceed to court with your Section 60I certificate.

Can anything I say in FDR be used against me in court?

FDR communications are confidential under Section 10H of the Family Law Act. Under Section 10J, evidence of anything said in FDR is generally inadmissible in court. Section 10J exceptions include adult admissions indicating that a child has been abused or is at risk, and disclosures by a child indicating abuse or risk; Section 10H separately permits limited safety-related disclosures, including to protect a child or address a serious and imminent threat. This confidentiality is designed to encourage honest negotiation.

Is FDR the same as counselling?

No. FDR is a structured negotiation process focused on reaching a practical agreement about parenting arrangements. It is not therapy, relationship counselling, or a forum for processing the emotional aspects of the separation. Some FDR providers offer counselling as a separate service.

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