Child Custody Mediation in Oregon: What to Expect and How to Prepare

If you and the other parent disagree on any custody or parenting time issue, Oregon will require mediation before your case goes to trial. This isn't optional — it's mandatory in nearly every contested custody case, and the court won't schedule a trial date until you've completed it.

Most parents walk into mediation unprepared, which means they walk out with terms they didn't want. Here's how the process works and how to use it strategically.

Mediation Is Mandatory — But Free

When contested custody issues exist, the court orders mediation through its family court services or conciliation department. In most Oregon counties, this court-connected mediation is free for parents with active domestic relations cases.

The mediator is a neutral third party. They don't represent either parent, don't have the authority to impose decisions, and don't report the substance of your discussions to the judge. Under ORS 36.220, mediation communications are confidential and cannot be used as evidence in court.

The mediator's job is to help you and the other parent reach a workable agreement on parenting time, holiday schedules, decision-making terms, and exchange logistics. If you reach an agreement in mediation, it gets drafted into a stipulated parenting plan and submitted to the judge for approval.

Safety Exemptions

Not every parent is required to mediate. Cases involving active Family Abuse Prevention Act (FAPA) restraining orders or documented histories of domestic violence are legally exempt under ORS 107.179.

If you feel unsafe participating in face-to-face mediation but don't have an active protective order, you have options:

• File a "Motion to Order or Waive Mediation" explaining the safety concerns
• Request shuttle mediation — both parents attend but stay in separate rooms, with the mediator moving between them
• Request virtual sessions — some county programs offer video mediation where parents are never in the same space

What to Bring to Mediation

The parents who get the best outcomes in mediation arrive with a written proposal. Showing up with "I want 50/50" and nothing else puts you at a disadvantage compared to a parent who brings a detailed, printed schedule.

Prepare:

A specific weekly schedule — Not "I want equal time" but "I propose a 2-2-5-5 schedule with Monday-Tuesday consistently mine, Wednesday-Thursday consistently theirs, and alternating weekends." Include transition times and locations.

A holiday rotation — A holiday-by-holiday breakdown for major holidays, school breaks, and summer vacation. Most mediators will ask for this, and having it ready shows the court (and the mediator) that you've done your homework.

Your overnight count — Know exactly how many overnights your proposed schedule produces per year. This matters for child support calculations (the 73-overnight threshold triggers parenting time credits).

A calendar for the current school year — Showing how your proposed schedule maps to the child's actual school calendar, extracurricular activities, and important dates makes your proposal concrete rather than abstract.

Documentation of your parenting involvement — You're not presenting evidence in mediation like you would at trial, but being able to reference your involvement in the child's daily routines helps frame your proposals as grounded in reality.

What Happens During Mediation

A typical Oregon custody mediation session runs 1-3 hours. The mediator will:

1. Explain the process and confidentiality rules
2. Ask each parent to describe their concerns and priorities
3. Work through parenting time, holidays, and decision-making one issue at a time
4. Help you identify areas of agreement and narrow the disputes
5. Draft a memorandum of understanding if you reach agreement

You're not required to agree to anything. If mediation doesn't produce an agreement, the case proceeds to the next stage — which may include a custody evaluation or trial. The mediator will notify the court that mediation was attempted but unsuccessful.

How Mediation Differs by County

Oregon's mediation requirements vary by county:

• Multnomah County — Mediation through the Family Resolution Services program. Sessions are typically in-person at the courthouse.
• Washington County — Combined "Mediation Orientation & Parent Education" session at $200, lasting 3.5 hours via virtual platform with camera required.
• Clackamas County — Free mediation through the court's conciliation services department.
• Douglas County — Mediation may be required through county-specific family services.

Check your specific county's family court website for scheduling procedures and requirements.

What Mediators Report to the Judge

Mediators report only three things to the court: that mediation occurred, whether an agreement was reached, and the terms of any agreement. They do not report who was cooperative, who was difficult, or what positions either parent took. This confidentiality is what makes mediation work — parents speak more freely when they know their statements can't be used against them later.

The Oregon Child Custody & Parenting Plan Guide includes a mediation preparation worksheet with pre-formatted schedule proposals and a checklist of issues to resolve, so you walk in organized rather than reactive.

See more Oregon guides →